Panic

The logic for my image transfer project is more or less established, but I simply cannot get the application to run properly. It keeps causing a panic, if that's what they call it.

Come Tuesday is already my diploma recital exam. Thursday would be the final presentation for our project. I cannot express how stressed out I am at this point. And I know with too much stress I start to panic. I can't do things properly.

I think I was going crazy just staring at the screen trying to solve the logic error. I have pinpointed the exact cause of the problem, but I simply do not know how to solve it.

Probably the worst thing ever in programming is that you know the error but you can't solve it. It quite clearly exemplifies "so near, yet so far", to an extent.

Fuck programming, I tell you. Fuck programming.

I swear I am never going to do this in the future.

Silence

I can't really sleep. I have to be up at 7 everyday but I can't even get to sleep until 2, at least. I don't really know why this is the case.

I'm on the verge of losing my voice, for a bit. Since Saturday's barbeque my voice has become really hoarse. It's been on and off though, so I'm not sure how it would be.

If you haven't noticed already everything I've said thus far expresses a certain level of uncertainly. I'm not even sure about what I'm doing in school recently. There's been a few nice people that I've met, but the school work's really a chore. It's almost impossible.

It's only 12:50AM right now. I have about an hour. Maybe I'll listen to Swan Lake and Persona 4 OST and maybe, just might be able to get to sleep. I don't know.

Bethena: A Concert Waltz

I've been somewhat confused as to what I have been doing.

Since the last project ended it was just more or less studying for exams. And there were only 3 papers, no big deal. I guess the third year sort of looms ahead rather menacingly. Our break has been reduced to a pathetic 5 days becuase of it, which starts today, incidentally. I'm not going to plan anything, since most of it would be used for catching up on sleep anyway.

I was afraid that my piano exam and my final year project would clash at some point. I mean, I already signed up for it, and since I just knew that I was dispatched to the dreaded "fish tank" (project area), it's not very good news for my schedule. I just hope I don't end up failing my exam or something, since the fees are up to a thousand dollars. Also, next year's syllabus is different, so I'd have to change my repertoire, and that means more time wasted to learn new songs.

The way I look at it, there just isn't enough time. Perhaps I worry too much. I don't know.

Presto - The Rush

There won't be anything new for about another week or so.

Chinese New Year was just 2 days ago, and then we gotta make the mad rush for our semester project. Deadline's Monday and I haven't really done anything. At this point, I'm just aiming to pass, but definitely not at the expense of my group members. If there's anything needed done so they don't get penalized I'll have to do it.

Thank you, procrastination.

Four

This is the forth week into the semester. And forth is right, because in chinese it's also a pun for "die".

There has already been a shitload of things to do, and there are more to come. This semester is just so heightned up in terms of workload and presentations. Still, I don't think it can compare to the stress levels of our 'A' level friends.

I heard Biology so far screwed people over pretty bad. All I can say is best of luck for that and hope the remaining papers somehow salvage the situation? I don't know, don't really know how it works.

Not much more to go, so here's hoping you all live through it.

Some big patches and the public live test server coming soon on Warhammer Online. Looking forward to that.

And then I said about how I'd write about how Mister D ate beef, but really, there's nothing to talk about at all.

There's also something I've always sworn to talk about everytime I'm on my way for my piano lessons, but never did. Perhaps I'll deal with it another day.

And sleep still stalks me.

Stagnation of Ideas

So...

While a couple of my friends have been posting witty stuff or generally thought-invoking posts, myself here has been posting shit, if you were to compare.

Okay, self-dissing and comparison aside, I still find things I write... lacking, somewhat. I don't know, I've never been able to come up with something good ever since 2 years ago.

Just the other day I sat down with a notepad and pen in my hand. I held the pen above the notepad, ready to write when something came through my mind. Half an hour went by, I almost fell asleep, and all I could come up with were all the spells in FFXI which had a sleep effect. That's not even original material!

Funny thing is that teachers used to comment that I loved to express myself through my writings. Yeah, a few years later this person can't even pen down half a paragraph of ideas.

Poly and IT has ruined one of my few interests. I'm sure of it.

Yet Another Prelude

I can't sleep.

But even though I'm here, the inspiration to write doesn't come. I think I'm now far worse with words than I once was, be it written or spoken. Though I can't say I've really been good with words, at all.

(Gets a mind block for about 5 minutes...)

New semester at school. Same old shit all over again. Not so much gut hating this time around, but it's somewhat evident in a few. Not that I care much, but how do people actually continue like this, I'd like to know.

Playing a healer in Warhammer sometimes makes you feel like shit because... people die in RvR. I guess the mindset carried over from FFXI has affected me, because in an FFXI party, you don't let people die. Of course sometimes shit happens, but generally you don't let anyone die.

And in Warhammer, well, you simply cannot save someone who is being focused fired, unless there's a few other healers healing that person as well. It's funny that you play a healer to heal, and yet in such situations you're simply too helpless to do anything to save them, except wait until they die to resurrect.

I don't really know what else to say right now. Mind's pretty empty. I guess it wasn't such a good idea to type someth- No, actually it was a good idea. It made me sleepy.

September Update

And so this semester's exams are over. It's already been a week so I'm probably not going to talk about it.

I finally got a new desktop PC after 6 years. I stayed up till morning just waiting for the FFXI updates again; was kind of eager to try it out on widescreen.

I think FFXI is finally giving a worthy update after so long. Level sync, as they call it, which allows you to level down(not delevel) to a lower level player's level temporarily and be able to fight and gain experience normally. Probably one of the nice additions with accordance to the new level sync system is the way they're going to scale down the current gear you have equipped when you level down so there's the option to not switch gear and of course, all the space we can free up by selling our low level gear.

Another thing I like is the option to keep beastmen seals with an NPC. That's really going to be a lot more free slots.

And uh, when Xeo and Wak get to 49 I'm gonna static with them on puppetmaster, I think.

プロジェクト

This semester's project's done. This past week up to its last moments of the mad rush is over. The aftermath? Flu and a sore throat.

Still, I have to thank everyone for their help. I wouldn't have had my class diagram, retrieval and lots of other shit done without help, really.

Exams in 2 weeks, which means these next 2 are free for us, not counting studying, and revision lectures and all that.

Actually, it's not that free after all.

Enter, the final boss

What's really important?

And what's truly genuine, in that sense?

Today just leaves me full of questions. Questions that I don't have the answer to.

I wouldn't normally be so perplexed, but this hectic project week has gotten my hands full. I can heardly breathe, and I'm sure many could say the same.

In any case, this is no time to be wasting on pointless thoughts. Pointless, at least for now.

The final battle looms ahead.

Uncertainty?

At this stage I'm pretty lost.

I read what they say and get optimistic for a bit but then it just dies down fast when I look at my position.

Yeah, pretty damn confused. No answers yet. Only thing I can do is to keep thinking.

There hasn't been any sheet music uploads for the new Final Fantasy XI Piano Collections yet. At least, I couldn't find any. I might just buy the damn book when I get my credit card, because I'm getting impatient.

There's like 3-4 more weeks of school left, then exams. And that's 3 more weeks to code our project. And hidden among these remaining weeks are 3 tests, all secretly laid out to ambush us at our weakest. Very sly, you cunning machiavellians!

I helped Xeo with Zilart mission 8 two days ago. It was the superman fight - that's what they call Eald'narche's brother. That thing died really fast, I barely got down my rotation of 4 songs. We didn't break the record though, figured we spent too much time on preperation in the battlefield.

Well here's looking forward to tomorrow's Hokkaido Fair - I've waited far too long to try out the food there.

Prelude

I logged into Final Fantasy XI for the first time in months yesterday(not counting the viewer, I do that a lot).

Apparantly nothing much has changed. I don't do end game stuff, so there isn't really much for me to do. Haven't had the mood to party, either. The rest of AntiHero moved to WoW, so no one's really left. Orestia's mule left a linkshell message recently though.

What is left, is Deosil. While I don't really like it all that much, it's nice to see it still alive and kicking. Not that it matters, in any case; I don't really talk to them.

I don't know how much longer this game will last. Perhaps a few more years. For me though, I haven't really thought about seriously picking it up again. While I want to level puppetmaster, I never ever get enough motivation to do it. Xeo seems to still enjoy it though.

My mind has wandered somewhere else. It's been hovering around Warhammer, and since the recent delay, I went back to LOTRO. I'm still waiting for Warhammer to see how it goes. Depending on the circumstances, I might not even play it for long, I don't know.

That's as far as gaming is concerned. There's so much other shit to care about as well.

My diploma exam. I haven't signed up, but I think I'm going to this year. I can't imagine playing in a concert hall. It's far too overwhelming.

And then there's my theory results. I missed 3 marks to achieve merit, but I passed nonetheless. Well, it's all good, because I got the qualifications to teach piano now. All I need now is to learn how to teach and to gain experience. It might be fun, as a back up job.

Today's the first day of our two week break. And y'know the funny thing about breaks is that the school still doesn't let you off. I need to go back for at least three days this week.

I caught up with some friends today that I haven't seen in a while. Not a bad day.

Lacklustre

Heh, this semester's a mess. I failed 3 tests so far.

Like I said before, the people don't make it any easier. And what with all these shit that happened recently.

Either way, all I care now is just to manage to pass through everything, and then get the hell outta here. I never got the course I wanted, so this is just a waste of time.

So much for school. This school, at least.

Verklempt #4

I overslept again today -15 minutes past the first class. And then I rushed to school, tired as hell.

Monday is never a good day. My gastric acted up in the afternoon and then I got chased around by a mad man during night class. As if I wasn't tired enough. No offence, but you don't stand there and poke someone in the hips for 5 minutes. Such droll, childish behavior. And naturally, I never understand anything during night class. I am going to fail at this rate.

Xeo returned to FFXI recently, after finally getting his new discs, which he has been waiting for weeks. I do plan on playing at some point, because my initial goal of getting Puppetmaster to 75 never saw the light.

I've come to realize I don't particularly enjoy certain end-game content. I don't know, it's pretty restricting to me in many ways. It's like you're bound to some boring routine every week. It's enjoyable at first, but all the excitement dies down quickly enough.

At this point, I wish I have something more substantial to talk about, but I'm afraid I don't.

All I can say is that today demonstrated a fine case of paying the price of being kind, as one of my friends had put it.

Verklempt #2

I reached the final case of Apollo Justice, and it's interesting so far. The only problem I had was with the first witness. I couldn't percieve his damn habits. I mean seriously, (highlight for spoilers) who the hell sweats at their armpits the moment they lie? Damn, that was really a bitch to find.

School never got better. I wasn't expecting much anyway. Everytime it comes down to these grouping situations you really see how everyone hates each other's guts, so to speak. Seems so much like a facade in most cases.

I almost planned on skipping school today. I walk to school every day and my feet just seemed dead today.

These days I just feel like staying at home, listening to music and playing music I like. There's almost nothing much to look forward to, maybe except some new music albums coming out over the next few months, and until I save enough money to go abroad.

Well maybe the next break, which is probably the only peace I'm ever gonna get for a long time to come.

How to disappear completely

Yeah that's what I feel right now. Disappear from this mess I'm in. Well, "mess" isn't exactly the best word to call it, but it'd do for now. It is pretty messed up, after all.

Many issues can be drawn out from this, if you think about it. This isn't just a simple project group anymore, it's much more than that. It's more than a misunderstanding, more than communication breakdown. The point is, this is some of the craziest shit I've ever seen in school. Never did I think people would act this way.

Like I said before, I won't deny I am a last minute kind of person. I can't work without stress, and probably not till the last minute. The other members? Well I think they're far better than me in this aspect. They can do work way before the deadline, I can't. Main point is, no matter when we do the work, we will get it done in the end. Doesn't matter if it's 1 hour or a minute before the deadline, the work will be done.

To what end would you go to get your"justice"? I presume you know the situation clearly, well enough to know who's at fault. Your intentions and your disposition at the time are totally two different matters, don't link them if you can't control your emotions. We didn't need to tell anyone anything. Your actions that day told them everything.

I fail to see how anything you did that day was morally correct. Your intentions, yes. Your actions? No way in hell. If you choose to insist that you are right, I'm prepared to be scribed as your villian. Your story, after all, is none of my concern.

And what's left of it? You've just left an indelible mark upon yourself.

I'm only doing this because the soft approach didn't work. Besides, I'm not counting on you to read this. Like it would even matter, really. Some people just don't listen.

Silenced

Day 4. Pain gone, but as a counter reaction, I've temporarily lost my voice.

I wonder how tomorrow's presentation will turn out with me in this state. Either it miraculously heals within the next couple of hours, or I continue with his hoarse, deep voice. Creepy even, someone called it.

Past week has been full of tests. They just have to clutter everything within a few days and give us hell.

And, thank you Steini for the songs. X) I haven't yet had a good listen to all of them cause I've been busy, but I'll find some time this week.

Well now, I got slides to prepare for tomorrow.

Miasmatic Monday

Monday sucks. It always does, at least when's there's school. To top it off I got a damn sore throat that hurts like hell. It's been a while since I had my throat act up this bad.

And school always has this effect on me. I don't know, makes me feel lousy over nothing. Couple that with the fact that I got no music to listen to.

I think I really need a new mp3 player or something.

That's pretty much all I'm going to say. In fact, today sucks so much I don't even know why I'm even talking about it.