I should update

I should get around to updating the links here - they're all outdated. I've been kind of busy so I haven't really been in the mood to edit the html.

Steini just started a blog, I'll link that up soon. It showcases the music of himself and his comrades. (as he put it XD)

Well, apart from that, school's been as fun as ever. I can't wait for it to end.

19th May

My parents' wedding anniversary.

More importantly, my piano diploma recital examination.

They just sent me the date and venue today. It never felt this near before.

With all this shit happening in school I'm so fucking out of mood I'm not sure if I can even express my music properly.

I don't think I can. Music is so dependant on mood I cannot even express anything. I'm not a professional. I'm just someone trying to take his exam.

Stress is there, no doubt. But it isn't just that. It's about what's on your mind. And this is 30 minutes of playing, non stop. Concentration is quintissential.

I hope it gets better. I really do. If it doesn't, well, I'd have to waste one thousand bucks for my exam fees AND prepare ANOTHER repertoir considering this year's syllabus is different.

Parellel 5ths

It's ridiculous how much we're tied down in this place. The more I sit at the computer at the FYP labs the more I loathe it.

Fucking programming. I don't go to school to sit at the PC for 10 hours and fry my brain cells. Those who can, good for them. As they say, there's something for everyone. I'm not cut out to do this.

And it's not like we can do any of the shit we're supposed to do, either. It's difficult to the point where I can stare at the codes for a week and not understand a single thing.

I just want to play on my piano. I get so little practice recently because of the long days. And sometimes, I just can't into the mood to play any music. Mood is a very important thing; you just need one lousy day of school to ruin it all. Though it's not like I really want it to.

I'm just trying to get through this. I have to, because I'm not alone on this project. If I were alone, I'd have said "to hell with this" long ago.

Honestly, if it wasn't for the people I've met and befriended I wouldn't even bother with this school any longer.

Dissonances

One can't help but be cynical at many things. Perhaps even at everything.

Sometimes you just got to forget about those petty annoyances. I'd go as far as to say I've tried to be nonchalant to all of them, but it doesn't work that way.

Somehow these all come back and kick you in the ass. You can't shun them aside, or rather, you can, but their return is inevitable.

I'm just doing what I can to be myself. I try to be nice and help people when I can, but I wonder if this is even enough. People's actions certainly don't express that.

Like I said I've been trying to shut off these thoughts all the time. I try to see the world as it is, but I think at some point this is too shallow. The world is far more than that. Deep down people have intentions that you'd never think of. Good or bad, for whatever reason there is.

I'm fine now. I just had to get things off my head. They might not be coherent but that's how they came out.

I don't know; they'll return soon enough.