Rabbit Tails & Meatballs

Why Usagimaru? Why rabbit tails and meatballs?

I don't think anyone really knows, so I'll share this today. Nothing special, really.

So back then when I first got my PS2, the first game I got with it was dot hack. And in the second installment of this series(mutation), was this character called Nuke Usagimaru. I could stop here and you might guess that I took and used the name from there, but why exactly?

Usagimaru was a pretty interesting character. He was trying to be a stand-up comedian, and that's exactly how you get to meet him in the game. He was looking for an audience, and despite his rather lame jokes, which promptly caused everyone watching to leave, Kite(the main character) stayed behind and followed him all the way to the lowest level of the dungeon. "Tis' an actor's job to perform, even with just one audience member!", he chirps enthusiatically, before running off to the basement.

It is there that you save his life and he, out of gratitude, gives you his member address, effectively joining your list of available party members.

What I like about him is that he's a Long Arm(the name of the class which wields spears), and you don't get many in the game. The only other one is Gardenia, who is pretty cold and aloof, and while she goes get some interesting conversations I don't like her all too much. Well not only that, his hair is awesome.

So, not long later I got the game Final Fantasy XI Online(it's years back now), and I was deciding on a name to use for my newly created character. I wanted something unique, yet not too farfetched that I can't connect with. (Yeah, I get really picky when it comes to giving names.)

You already know the answer - I settled for Usagimaru.

Usagi means "rabbit" in Japanese. Maru means "circle". But when placed in a name it means "male". Simply put Usagimaru means "male rabbit".

In my early days of FFXI I met this very nice guy called Axl. He's American, but was living in Japan at the time. It was he who told me that Usagimaru could mean "rabbit tail" or "meatball" in Japanese slang. I guess it isn't that difficult to infer why.

So there you go, Usagimaru, rabbit tails and meatballs.

P.S. I realize I got a bit carried away when talking about who the hell Usagimaru is. I could've cut to the chase, but I figured the background information might be interesting to anyone who actually bothers.

Distant Worlds

Distant Worlds: Music from Final Fantasy was simply awesome.

Considering this is the first time ever in my life to attend a Final Fantasy concert, it isn't an exaggeration to say that I nearly had tears of joy.

When they started playing the opening piece "Liberi Fatali" I couldn't help but smile. I was in so much awe.

The performance was great, despite a few audible mistakes and the lack of "oomph" in certain pieces, I feel. And in my opnion the soloist for Distant Worlds didn't really manage to capture the essence of the song and project more emotion. I guess I had really high expectations for the song, since it is from Final Fantasy XI, after all.

Probably the best thing was that Nobuo Uematsu was just sitting a few rows in front of me. It was so spectacular when he graced us with his presence.

I didn't manage to get the CD or the artbook there, but what I did manage to get was a T-shirt, and both Nobuo Uematsu's and Arnie Roth's autographs! It was a pity that I was so stunned at the moment that I forgot to shake Uematsu-san's hand. All I did was say ありがとうございます！He responded likewise. It was absolutely awesome to recieve the autographed booklet directly from possibly the greatest composer in video game music.

I can die happy now. Well almost, hahaha.

Panic

The logic for my image transfer project is more or less established, but I simply cannot get the application to run properly. It keeps causing a panic, if that's what they call it.

Come Tuesday is already my diploma recital exam. Thursday would be the final presentation for our project. I cannot express how stressed out I am at this point. And I know with too much stress I start to panic. I can't do things properly.

I think I was going crazy just staring at the screen trying to solve the logic error. I have pinpointed the exact cause of the problem, but I simply do not know how to solve it.

Probably the worst thing ever in programming is that you know the error but you can't solve it. It quite clearly exemplifies "so near, yet so far", to an extent.

Fuck programming, I tell you. Fuck programming.

I swear I am never going to do this in the future.

Parellel 5ths

It's ridiculous how much we're tied down in this place. The more I sit at the computer at the FYP labs the more I loathe it.

Fucking programming. I don't go to school to sit at the PC for 10 hours and fry my brain cells. Those who can, good for them. As they say, there's something for everyone. I'm not cut out to do this.

And it's not like we can do any of the shit we're supposed to do, either. It's difficult to the point where I can stare at the codes for a week and not understand a single thing.

I just want to play on my piano. I get so little practice recently because of the long days. And sometimes, I just can't into the mood to play any music. Mood is a very important thing; you just need one lousy day of school to ruin it all. Though it's not like I really want it to.

I'm just trying to get through this. I have to, because I'm not alone on this project. If I were alone, I'd have said "to hell with this" long ago.

Honestly, if it wasn't for the people I've met and befriended I wouldn't even bother with this school any longer.

Dissonances

One can't help but be cynical at many things. Perhaps even at everything.

Sometimes you just got to forget about those petty annoyances. I'd go as far as to say I've tried to be nonchalant to all of them, but it doesn't work that way.

Somehow these all come back and kick you in the ass. You can't shun them aside, or rather, you can, but their return is inevitable.

I'm just doing what I can to be myself. I try to be nice and help people when I can, but I wonder if this is even enough. People's actions certainly don't express that.

Like I said I've been trying to shut off these thoughts all the time. I try to see the world as it is, but I think at some point this is too shallow. The world is far more than that. Deep down people have intentions that you'd never think of. Good or bad, for whatever reason there is.

I'm fine now. I just had to get things off my head. They might not be coherent but that's how they came out.

I don't know; they'll return soon enough.

Atonalism

Sometimes it's pretty strange to think about things in images, rather than words. My memory tends to always replay scenes in images. Certain scenes often playback clearly in my mind.

The airplane incident when I was like 5 years old, on the way to Hong Kong.

The nightmare I had when I was 6, which involved yet another image "forming" in my mind.

The event 2 years ago, which made me afraid of him.

There're many others, but some of these remain the most significant.

I need to focus. My piano exam's coming, and I am not improving, at least the way I see it. It lacks... Emotion.

I haven't thought about what I'd do in future. I cannot see much happening.

Maybe this dissonant piece isn't helping. Maybe I'm tired. Maybe it's both.

I should go to sleep.

Silence

I can't really sleep. I have to be up at 7 everyday but I can't even get to sleep until 2, at least. I don't really know why this is the case.

I'm on the verge of losing my voice, for a bit. Since Saturday's barbeque my voice has become really hoarse. It's been on and off though, so I'm not sure how it would be.

If you haven't noticed already everything I've said thus far expresses a certain level of uncertainly. I'm not even sure about what I'm doing in school recently. There's been a few nice people that I've met, but the school work's really a chore. It's almost impossible.

It's only 12:50AM right now. I have about an hour. Maybe I'll listen to Swan Lake and Persona 4 OST and maybe, just might be able to get to sleep. I don't know.

Bethena: A Concert Waltz

I've been somewhat confused as to what I have been doing.

Since the last project ended it was just more or less studying for exams. And there were only 3 papers, no big deal. I guess the third year sort of looms ahead rather menacingly. Our break has been reduced to a pathetic 5 days becuase of it, which starts today, incidentally. I'm not going to plan anything, since most of it would be used for catching up on sleep anyway.

I was afraid that my piano exam and my final year project would clash at some point. I mean, I already signed up for it, and since I just knew that I was dispatched to the dreaded "fish tank" (project area), it's not very good news for my schedule. I just hope I don't end up failing my exam or something, since the fees are up to a thousand dollars. Also, next year's syllabus is different, so I'd have to change my repertoire, and that means more time wasted to learn new songs.

The way I look at it, there just isn't enough time. Perhaps I worry too much. I don't know.

Presto - The Rush

There won't be anything new for about another week or so.

Chinese New Year was just 2 days ago, and then we gotta make the mad rush for our semester project. Deadline's Monday and I haven't really done anything. At this point, I'm just aiming to pass, but definitely not at the expense of my group members. If there's anything needed done so they don't get penalized I'll have to do it.

Thank you, procrastination.

Warrior Priest

Sigmar's Blessings!

I've been playing a Warrior Priest on Skull Throne recently because a couple of my friends decided to try Order.

Generally, I'd say Warrior Priest is rather fun. It's quite challenging in a sense, but once you get used to it it's not all that bad. The first few levels are really a pain to get through because your heals are terrible and you die fast(but then again most classes die fast at low levels).

It's a nice change from playing a backline healer. There's much more involvement, and you really have to stay focused to keep people up. Most importantly, you're really hard to take down. Comparing to non-melee healers survivability is far superior.

Currently at rank 16 I'm Salvation spec'd but I'm thinking on going Grace later on, especially when 1.06 goes live with the upgrades to Prayer of Devotion and melee heals.

This serves as a good distraction until the Black Guard is released, which I'm really looking forward to.

Two

Don't ask me about the title. I'm merely putting these numbers because my recent posts all had numbers as their title.

Last I heard, my friend has 2 papers left for 'A' levels, which ends tomorrow, I think.

Secondly, HY is going to play Warhammer today, according to "King".

And, twice. It happened twice.

Don't mind the subtleties.

Seventy-seven

He stared at the clock intently. In just a few seconds he would make his move. He was neither nervous nor fazed; his face emanted a hint of confidence - almost smug. His hands slowly clenched into a fist, as several drops of pespiration trickled down the side of this face. Not drops of anxiety, but of heat. It was hot. The room, though big, was bursting full with people. The doors were closed. To him and everyone else in the room, it was almost hard to breathe.

His gaze never left the clock as the last few seconds ticked by. He did a mental countdown as he continued to stare fixatedly at the clock. Three, two... one. In that final second he jumped up to his feet and made a mad dash for the furthest door in the room. His eyes were now focused on the door. He wrenched the door handle and with the momentum he had built up with the sprint, flung open the door with explosive force. As he took his first steps out of the room, almost everyone had their heads turned at his direction. He felt emancipated.

The door now began to close. He left three others that he knew behind in the room. They did not move from their seats; they kept staring at his slowly waning figure as he distanced himself from the room with his widened steps. Them, and the remaining seventy-three people.

---

Just my lousy attempt at writing something after like, what, 2 years? It's probably rather bad, but meh, it's a start. AA's posts inspired me to do this, but in no way does this compare to his. I'd probably write some more if I bother, and if I remember to.

Xarcabard, The Land of Truths

Alone through the snow you walk.

17 measures of music surround you. It goes on like an ostinato; you're awaiting the Da Capo al Coda.

Does it ever arrive?

Perhaps you heard it, perhaps you didn't. Perhaps you weren't even waiting for the end. You just tell yourself there's only a few more measures to go.

You continue to trudge along the snow, thinking.

Thinking about how you didn't use Teleport-Vahzl to get there.

Stagnation of Ideas

So...

While a couple of my friends have been posting witty stuff or generally thought-invoking posts, myself here has been posting shit, if you were to compare.

Okay, self-dissing and comparison aside, I still find things I write... lacking, somewhat. I don't know, I've never been able to come up with something good ever since 2 years ago.

Just the other day I sat down with a notepad and pen in my hand. I held the pen above the notepad, ready to write when something came through my mind. Half an hour went by, I almost fell asleep, and all I could come up with were all the spells in FFXI which had a sleep effect. That's not even original material!

Funny thing is that teachers used to comment that I loved to express myself through my writings. Yeah, a few years later this person can't even pen down half a paragraph of ideas.

Poly and IT has ruined one of my few interests. I'm sure of it.

The Light Slayer

I made a Sorcerer on Warhammer last night, and was once again stumped as to what to name the character.

After some I thought I decided on "Slayeroflight". A sorcerer is probably the closest thing to a Black Mage anyway, and that's exactly what he played. His name ended with dark though, so why light? Because I'm on Destruction's side, and to go against the good(light) fits here. Also, he had a mule's(I think) name ending with light.

Not that I really wanted to steal the name...

Something's just lacking when you're not playing a game with your best friends.

Yet Another Prelude

I can't sleep.

But even though I'm here, the inspiration to write doesn't come. I think I'm now far worse with words than I once was, be it written or spoken. Though I can't say I've really been good with words, at all.

(Gets a mind block for about 5 minutes...)

New semester at school. Same old shit all over again. Not so much gut hating this time around, but it's somewhat evident in a few. Not that I care much, but how do people actually continue like this, I'd like to know.

Playing a healer in Warhammer sometimes makes you feel like shit because... people die in RvR. I guess the mindset carried over from FFXI has affected me, because in an FFXI party, you don't let people die. Of course sometimes shit happens, but generally you don't let anyone die.

And in Warhammer, well, you simply cannot save someone who is being focused fired, unless there's a few other healers healing that person as well. It's funny that you play a healer to heal, and yet in such situations you're simply too helpless to do anything to save them, except wait until they die to resurrect.

I don't really know what else to say right now. Mind's pretty empty. I guess it wasn't such a good idea to type someth- No, actually it was a good idea. It made me sleepy.

Horrifying Visions

Holidays have this effect on me.

I mean, sure, no one would complain about having a one month break, but I don't know, sometimes this boredom makes you wish you weren't on break.

Haven't been listening to music at all lately. Made my head kinda empty, I think. Only now do I open up Windows Media Player.

And I'm only here because the Warhammer servers are down for maintenance. I haven't mentioned it, but that's what I'm playing now, because Xeo and I got bluffed into believing that it wasn't seperated into NA and EU. It was only after I bought the game that I realized how it actually was.

So I'm left to play it on my own, with a couple of friends (we don't really do things together though).

We had our class chalet 2 days ago, and a couple of us didn't sleep the entire day. I came back at 9 in the morning, and decided to wait till evening to sleep. And to my horror I woke up after 3 hours.

Sleep is stalking me right now. Which makes me wonder, what the hell am I still doing here at 4 A.M.?

Sheep Go To Heaven

The moment you're born you start dying, so you might as well...

Have a good time!!

Hahaha.

One minute

Happy birthday to Singapore, Ms Goh and Sar.

Yeah, I've never had a more boring national day. Here I am, sitting at home, doing practically... Nothing.

And not much food around either. I'm hungry.

>.>

Enter, the final boss

What's really important?

And what's truly genuine, in that sense?

Today just leaves me full of questions. Questions that I don't have the answer to.

I wouldn't normally be so perplexed, but this hectic project week has gotten my hands full. I can heardly breathe, and I'm sure many could say the same.

In any case, this is no time to be wasting on pointless thoughts. Pointless, at least for now.

The final battle looms ahead.